They should have known.
All of them.
But lets face it, most Nigerians are too blinded by their poverty to notice anything.
The Suya Butcher, Nwobu Bobby Gerald-Richman. Yes, he was an Igbo man selling suya. A fresh Igbo dude, muscular chest like Randy Orton and the V shaped alpha male look; Not Johnny Bravo with skinny legs but with firm thighs as well. The dude was always smiling too, and that’s just the problem. Best suspect them folks that smile too much. There’s something sinister, very fucking evil about them. Runaway from them while you still can.

The Suya Butcher frustrated by the way things were in ‘THIS FUCKED UP COUNTRY!!!’
He screamed cracking the mirror in his room with just his thunderous masculine voice. The Suya Butcher Bobby was chiselled to perfection. He carried no weights. All he did was a special exercise routine: Two sets of ‘Diamond Push ups’ He called it them. Diamond Push ups involved placing your two hands together in the diamond shape( Like Jay Z’s Dynasty Sign,). You place them flat on the floor, and then go down-up as done in a normal push up exercise. It chiselled his chest which was previously man boobs. Gynecomastia they called it in the medical field.
Anyway, this strengthened Bobby, motivated him to be determined in his workouts.

Bobby did this routine everyday, 100, 100, two sets of Diamond Push ups. His chest was chiselled, looking like one of them Spartans in 300. He had no 6 pack abs, just a very flat ab and hair covering it up to his chest like Shawn Michaels. Not happy with the rounded hair God gave most Nigerian men, he decided to relax chest hair. This gave it a more foreign look, like he was a mixed breed, maybe Barbados and Nigerian blood combined.

This caused Ladies to stare lustfully at Gerald Richman, making his suya even more desirable to the female folk. Some would buy just to flirt with him!
Bobby went bald early so he decided to wear a trademark skin cut. He however never cut his facial hair so it grew from his ears down to his neck, swallowing his whole cheeks leaving his lips like a red/brown passage way that opens and closes without control.. After a while, when he looked at the mirror and was not satisfied with the jagged beard common to most Africa men, he decided again to use the magical relaxer. When he was done, his facial hair looked like someone from the States. He only cut it once in six months because it was way too fresh, like the mane of a cub.

Bobby always smiled and this attracted his customers. He went to a private school in his country and studied a course called Management Information Systems (MIS). He studied Engineering previously but failed woefully in his first year as did most of his mates. Like Dominos, they all fell away from Electrical Engineering and switched to MIS. So the class was filled with crooked students, the most crooked set both male and female.
When you fail, it hardens you, awakening a hunger in you. This was how the MIS students were. None of them read for they believed in cooperation, determined to just get that degree, Fuck the knowledge. Bobby graduated and he didn’t even know what the course was really about. Frustrated, after having served his God forsaken country in Abuja, he went back to Lagos unemployed. He was unemployed for six months and one day, Bobby snapped.

Bobby always had a high libido. His only form of entertainment was watching Porn. Bobby enjoyed voyeuristic pleasure from perusing these ‘Works of Art’ as he called them. He would get a boner and this motivated Him to seek real women. It awakened a desire in him, a natural male hunger repressed by the shackles of society in the average man. Bobby escaped those chains, a common characteristic of someone insane. A genius or of course, a serial killer. Bobby was ready to lay any kind of woman, slim, fat, young, old, saggy, firm; any kind!.

His first victim was a fat girl, weighing 220kg. Her skin had a fresh,brown cholocate hue, soft and shiny. She was the daughter of a enator in the State. He met her at a suya spot. She was eating at her table when Bobby came in after parking his car outside the Inn. As Bobby entered, She stared at him, getting excited. She pretended she didn’t see him, chewing faster so as to distract her from her lustful thoughts.
“N300 beef, N200 Kidney” Bobby told the mallam. Whilst he was waiting on his order, he heard a voice coming from the other side. It was Tiffany’s.
“Why don’t you have a sit?”.
There’s something about overweight women that give them a certain confidence; a certain character trait of being a liitle too assertive, too aggressive as compared to normal sexy ladies. They do this to protect themselves of course from the image in the mirror. They loathe themselves so much then take it out on the world, acting like they know it all, seen it all, with a certain cockiness that if you were a patient observer, you’d see contradictions in what they said and what they did. They were not as confident as they appeared to be, Just trying to repress the subconscious pain society inflicted on them for being obese.

Bobby dragged a seat from underneath the table and sat down, a sly smile on his face. When he came closer to her, she got even more excited.
“Do you want one?” she asked to distract her from her raging libido at the moment.
“Yeah! Thanks!”
“I’m Tiffany.”
“I’m Bobby.”
He took a stick from her suya and chewed.
“This suya is a little rubbery.”
She laughed like she was getting tickled. The kind of laughter girls give guys when they like them. They laugh at your jokes that aren’t even funny!
“As in, very rubbery!” She said laughing hard.
They were having a good time, laughing at nothing in particular.
Bobby’s suya was ready and he was about to go.
“How about you come to my house? Its just a five minute stroll from here.”
“I don’t know about that o!”
He was just playing hard to get.
“Come on! Its just gonna be you and me! My father’s away and not coming back till Sunday! Nobody is around and there’s always light at my place!”
She had this way of speaking that classified her as rich. What did you expect? Her father’s a freaking Senator!

They got into his car and in seven minutes, got to her house on the Island.
It was a mansion with five cars parked in. They entered the house and with a press of buttons, activated the lights and A/C. She turned on the 3D 80Inch Samsung TV. ”
They’re showing Salt on MnetHD. Want to watch?”
“Sure!”
They put on the 3D specs and watched, enjoying the effects from the Bose Surround Sound System.
After twenty minutes, Tiffany quipped “Hey, I got the the new Transformers movie!”
The movie wasn’t in Nigeria yet but her father had called a friend, who called a friend, who knew a friend, and BAM! Magic! She got the movie. The power of being in the Government.

She put it on and turned off all the lights giving the room that cinematic feel, the lights from the tv, illuminating the room. They ate Bobby’s suya as they watched. After about ten minutes of watching, Tiffany said,
“Hey, I know how I could make this better!”
“How?”
“You’ll see! I’ll be right back!”
One thing about fat girls also is that they were always eager to please in a kind of desperate way!
She came back; pink light from the TV flashing on the top part of her body.
She was holding something but Bobby couldn’t really see what. She came closer and sat close to him, rubbing her thigh on his.
She was holding a bong.
‘How the hell do you get a bong in this State?’ He thought to himself.
The power of Government.
She placed some freshly cropped green marijuana; stemless, fluffy and healthy marijuana, into the purple and gold bong.
Primo shit!
He watched as she sucked and blew smoke out from her mouth and the Tv reflected a green light on the smoke giving it a surreal effect.
The smell was like nothing Bobby ever smelled.
‘The weed I buy smells like shit!’ He thought to himself.
The power of Government…again!
It smelt like a freshly mown lawn with a hint of apple flavour.

“Here, Imma light you up.” Tiffany said. He placed the bong on his mouth. Clack! Clack! The lighter moaning. It finally came on and she lit the Magic Weed. The gurgling sound came up again and Bobby was already taking the plant into his lungs. He blew out the smoke, coughing a little. He could already feel the subtle effects of the weed just from his first drag.
The Clarity!
He took about 6 inhalations before he realised he was really messed up. Tiffany by then had been laughing uncontrollably. The kind of laughter that gave painful stitches.
Everything slowed down and they felt like they were in the Transformers movie itself, part of the Director’s team, creating the scenes with their minds, merging with the characters, feeling them in first person watching them in 3D.

Bobby’s sexual urges was heightened and so was Tiffany’s. They had eaten the Suya halfway and then Bobby went for the kill. He kissed Tiffany ferociously while she took her clothes off. He admired her big, soft breasts. She took her skirt off and her thighs were joined together making her legs look like one long vertical genitalia. Bobby undressed, already hard and she spread herself for him,ready for entry. Bobby entered her missionary style and the first penetration made her moan hard like she had already cum.

Bobby was enjoying the sound but it got a little too loud and it started to piss him off. He improvised and decided to act all kinky and was eating the suya while he was thrusting her. This was so he could maybe also get it into her mouth to reduce her moans. He took a handful and put it in her mouth and her sounds lowered. He got so carried away by the sensations of sex, pounding away non-stop, he hadn’t realised she had stopped moaning.
He looked at her face and he was shocked…

Her eyes were bulging out, tears rolling out from the sides. Her mouth was filled with suya and spurts of yellow saliva dribbled down her chin.
She had choked!!!
‘Oh My God!
She Has Choked!
She Has Fucking Choked!!!
Bobby walked back and forth, hands rubbing his bald head in pandemonium about what to do. He picked the remote control, pressing all the buttons hoping to hit the light. He turned off the AC, turned on heavy rock music and it took him 35 seconds to find the OFF button.. ‘I’m gonna wake the neighbours! I’m gonna wake the neighbours’ he thought, heart racing. He finally found the switch to shut it off, then the switch to the light.

He looked at the body and it was even more grotesque looking, her face puffed up from the choking. Her legs were still spread wide open and he felt a sudden kick in his penis.
“Bobby, what is wrong with you?” He asked himself.
“But I haven’t done anything. It was a mistake! Let me call the cops. What am I thinking?? That’s fucking jail! For LIFE!! Bobby calm the fuck down!”
He took deep breaths tried to regain his composure. He looked at her spread-eagled body, this time, eyes Fixed and he got a hard boner. The attraction to the dead body that lay in front of him was both disturbing and at the same time, arousing.
‘Bobby, you are not a fucking necrophiliaci! Snap out of It!’
He paused.
‘Its Thursday. She’s the only one around till Sunday’
She had dismissed the security team because she valued her privacy.

He found himself feeling her up, touching her and felt an alien feeling within. A combination of emotions creating an unknown feeling.
Guilt. Pleasure. Pain. Fear. Joy. Power. Hate. Love. Control.
“I’m alone. She’s alone till Sunday. But what of her phone? Oh My God!! What of her phone! Bobby, Calm down!
You are alone Bobby. All alone and you can enjoy any fantasy you want. Isn’t this what you always wanted ? A life-like doll you could control, ravish totally and desecrate?”
He got violent.
He began moaning as he mutilated dead Tiffany’s private member.
Blood.
“She’s dead. She can’t feel a thing.”

The act and the will to do the act energized his insanity. He had the freedom to do something wrong. Something considered a taboo.
Something so sick.
Nobody was watching!
Oh! What you could do when no one is watching.
His face glowed with a sinister.
By this time, she was barely recognisable.
His gory work gave made him ravenous.
He picked a suya and ate it like an animal.. The suya had finished and a sardonic thought flashed in his head to eat her.
He looked at her again and suddenly stopped seeing the bloody pulp she was. He saw meat.
He took a Bite of Her left Breast, blood dripping from his mouth like a vampire feeding.
He didn’t enjoy it.

Bobby decided there and then that He was gonna eat the body to get rid of the evidence.
Great idea!
He went to the kitchen and carried a very sharp long knife and began his serial killer initiation.
He cut her into bits and pieces ready to cook her on their grill machine.
He started with a chunk of flesh from her thigh. He grilled for about 35 minutes, cut a bit of raw onion and tomatoes then had a bite.
Tasty!
He dug in revelling in his new found dietary choice.. By the end of Thursday, he had finished eating her two legs, the remaining parts, stored in the refrigerator.
Friday, he had eaten both her arms and was surprised her phone hadn’t rung.
It must be her loneliness that made her invite him over in the first place. Saturday, he ate her torso.
Only her head was left.
He carried a mallet from the kitchen and smashed her head to little pieces spilling her brain on the marble floor. He packed it and threw it in the grill. He ate the brain and it kinda tasted like shrimps!
Sunday morning by 4:30am, he got some fuel from the generator house and burnt the house down.

Tiffany’s father came home to see his house burnt down. They later discovered blackened bones from the fire but surprised they didn’t find a skull. They later discovered it was Tiffany’s body. It wasn’t till about 3 months later that Bobby started His suya business.
Nothing he had ever experienced in his life was this exhilarating.
Frightening. Wrong. Pleasurable. Disturbing. Magical.

His next victim was a hooker. A very fine hooker. They arranged to meet at a motel and after having sex with her, he snapped her neck. It was a small motel so they hardly had guests. He also killed the overweight owner of the motel. He left both of them in Room 13. The Room he checked into. He played owner, alloting rooms to guests, just two guests anyway, collecting their money and giving them rooms, except room 13 ofcourse. He got a barbecue equipment and was selling a ‘Special Suya’ in the motel. People bought and enjoyed it, not knowing it was human meat. He packed the two bodies to his car wrapped in a big black nylon normally used to dispense refuse. He placed it in the boot of his Honda and was making his way back to his house at night, almost midnight. Police stopped him along the way and with just a smile and little ego stroke,
“Officer! Well done O”
“Bros, You get something for us?”
“Oga, nothing for now O, but I dey always pass this area. I go surely see you again another day.”
“No Wahala!”
With this, he was allowed to go. He carried the bodies to his room. He decided to sell his car and buy a deep freezer, grill, a sharp knife and a shovel. This was how business started.

He sold Suya at the front of his house, N300 for a stick. It was worth it. Big and tasty, the meat having a secret unique taste customers couldn’t quite fathom.
From a fat person, he could get like 15 grand after selling all pieces including liver and kidney. Slim, he could get like 8 Grand. He was making a profit because he didn’t need to pay for the meat, unlike those mallams who had to buy goats, cattle, chicken for their business. He got his free and it was the only quality Suya Spot in that area so people patronised.

He became a big time Suya guy, employed some workers and told them his secrets getting them to sign a Confidentiality Agreement before they could work for him. He threatened to kill their children if they ever spilled his secret.
They kept quiet.

This was how Nwobu Bobby Gerald Richman became the Suya Butcher, selling people to people.
He became a multimillionaire.

The End

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