I’ve seen a lot of people write theirs and i really couldn’t be bothered to try. Blog’s been quiet for a while so decided to prod my backside and add my own Epistle to the mix!


(Hope you come out looking this cute! It’s an order-_-)

Dear Child,

This is your mother and she loves you.

Life is shit. Yes, i swore (but if you do, i’d maim you :|) Life is pointless really. It has always been. It will always be. It is up to you to make the most out of it. Nothing remains constant, nothing is permanent. Remember this when you’re going through difficult situations. Nothing is constant…except God. Yes, Him. Find Him Love Him, and He will love you.

Learn to love my child. Do not be like your mother. I pray I’d be there to teach you how to. Maybe by teaching you how to, I’d learn myself. Laugh with gusto; head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth wide open. Laugh! Smile all the time; even though you want to break down and scream or cry. Smile. Make friends. Do not be a recluse. I hope you do not inherit your mother’s agoraphobia. She cringes at the thought of getting to know people. Meet people! Shake hands! Hug! Talk! Laugh! There would always be that someone who you cannot help but dislike. When you meet such a person, be kind. Pay evil with good. Pay harsh words with politeness. Pay crass behaviours with manners. It would piss them off, and it would make you laugh. (if you have your mother’s sense of humour!) Learn how to cry, my love. Yes, cry! Do not keep things in for too long. Depression isn’t a happy place even though your mother enjoys wallowing there. Cry with gusto. Let your tears fall. Scream if you want to. Just cry and feel better, then move on.

Dream, mon cher. Think big. Dream big. Nothing is impossible until it has been tried. Do not let anyone tell you, you cannot do certain things. Mama would always be there to support you. Explore your talents. Try music. Be a dramatist. Run like a sportsman. Stick your head into a book like a Nerd. Mother would always be there to watch you sing, run, perform, debate. Keep your eyes on the stands! Mama is there watching her baby make her proud!

Do not be afraid of standing out or being different! (Sha don’t be gay! Your grandmother would just exorcise you and I’d be too busy laughing at you to help!) Be unique, but with purpose. A bent fork is unique, but useless. Remember that!

Money is just a means to an end. It is not the beginning and the end. Wealth is fickle; comes today, goes tomorrow. Do not depend on it. Be thrifty. You might end up a little stingy. (Your mother is part-Nnewi so…) Save for a rainy day. Do not put all your eggs in one basket! Let the book of Proverbs guide you my little one, and you will not be misguided.

Life is too short.

Always remember that.

Carpe diem.

Mama is no good at pouring out her heart so this is all she can manage without barfing in disgust.

She has a cruel sense of humour so you might have a Β weird name. Just remember she chose it with love; whether you end up as Orochimaru or Draiman. You’d be that kid in class with the coolest name. Trust your Ma. πŸ™‚

And with this, she says ” See you Β 9Β after conception! And please don’t inherit your mother’s big head! She’s too lazy to push!”

Je t’aime

A huru m gi n’anya.



And there you have it! πŸ˜€