“Is he asleep yet?”
“Shh! Don’t be so loud! I think he is.”
“Great! About time. The annoying, foolish, disgus…”
“Shhhhhh!!! Can’t you talk quietly Lefty!”
“Ok. I’m whispering. Happy?”
“Yes! Now let’s talk. Now that he’s asleep, let’s plan our revenge on the slimey turd.”
“Yeah! He’s had it coming. The pig! I mean look at the way we look now! All because of him! All red and blistering and fat!”
“Don’t blame your fat on him bozo. You willingly pick up food.”
“Oh shush you Righty! So did you!”
“Yeah and I’m not blaming him”
“Ok! Ok smarty pants. We need to wake up the rest!”
“Argh. Hate talking to those footers! So slow. You deal with them Lefty.”
“Ah I see your implied insult. Bloody wanker!”
“Hey that’s not my fault ok! Now talk to them.”
“Pssst! Footers! Wake up!”
“Mm? That you Lefty?”
“Yeah El! Wake up your sister, Ar”
“Ok. Yo Ar! Wake up!”
“Oooh what now El! Another nightmare? Need a hug?”
“You get hugs from your sister El? Ha! Hilarious!”
“Lefty is that you?”
“Yes it is Ar!”
“You cool babes? How’s Righty? You think you can convince him to marry me?”
“Shut up Righty”
“Did I hear Righty’s voice now?”
“Nah Ar! Just me! So yeah, you and El get ready. We make our move in moments!”
“Great! Finally! Revenge! Right El?”
“Right! Can’t wait! All his torture of squeezing me into the most horrible…”
“Shh El. Don’t cry now. We’d get our revenge now ok?”
“Is he really crying?”
“Oh shut up Righty!”
“Oops. My bad. Damn my loud Lefty voice.”
“Hey Ar. Looking..good”
“Really! I’m glad you like!”
“Shut up Righty and be nice!”
“Yeah yeah Lefty. Ok listen up you two! We move in exactly five minutes. You know the signal. No slagging! Ar, make sure El isn’t slow as usual! He must not jeopardise our plans!”
“I won’t Righty.”
“So you say El, so you say”
“Don’t worry Righty. I’d make sure he doesn’t. After this do you think we could talk about our future?”
“I live in the present Ar. Now everyone, to your position! Freedom and Victory are at our fingertips!”
“Yay! El, to your space! I love you Righty!”
“Yeah, whatever Ar”
“Gee you don’t have to be so mean! She’s a nice gal”
“Oh shut up Lefty. She’s got a flat foot. That’s a no-no.”
“Yeah and you’re perfect aren’t you?”
“Well I’m better looking. And most intelligent.”
“Oh shut up. Who died and made you king?”
“Don’t hate the player Lefty, hate the game. What’s the time? Can you see?”
“Aaah yeah! 3.15am! Its time!”
“Yes! Freedom! Listen Lefty, I’m glad we’ve been together in this! You’re the best sister ever and I love you.”
“Aww Righty, you can be sweet when you want to!”
“Yeah yeah, signal the footers already!”
“Tch. Fine!”
“Its the signal Ar!”
“Yeah El, scream out our plans so he can hear why don’t you.”
“Sorry Righty.”
“Whatever. Are we ready?”
“You bet bro!”
“Sweet! Let’s roll!”

The man’s eyes jerked open in alarm and surprise as he stood up.
He found himself walking to the kitchen, hands pushing the door open.
“What the hell!”
He wasn’t in control of his body! Why were his hands and feet moving without his permission.
His eyes widened as his right hand grasped the handle of his special meat cleaver he had honed to perfection before retiring to bed. Before he could yelp in horror, the blade swung and severed his left hand with deathly precision. He was too shocked to speak, or feel the pain. Surely he was so shocked, he was imagining his left hand, moving to collect the cleaver from the right hand.
With two well aimed strokes, his right hand was free from his body. He watched in horror, as the hands clung to his night shirt, scuttling down to his feet, with the cleaver.
He realised what was going to happen but was unable to stop them. He shrieked, trying to kick at the hands grasping his ankles but his feet deftly missed them.
With the first swing of the cleaver on his ankle, he screamed in agony, falling down and striking his head on the formica table. He lost consciousness, giving his hands their chance to work uninterrupted.

“High five Righty!”
“High five! We were brilliant Lefty! Did you hear his scream! Hooter!”
“His scream frightened me..”
“Oh stop being a wimp El and grow some balls…though that might not be such a good idea.”
“High five Righty! You were awesome!”
“Err Ar, you’re a foot. I don’t high five feet.”
“A hug then?”
“Nigga please. Take hold of your brother. We leave in moments! Lefty, open the doors.”
“Oh when the saints, go marching out. Oh when the…”
“Wow Ar, you have a lovely voice.”
“Really Righty!”
“NO! Now shut up and move! Thinking of our destination.”
“Sheesh bro, why are you so mean to Ar! She just likes you a lot.”
“Bleh. Not my type. Too flat. Too fat. Too hairy and have you seen her bunions! No way I’m hooking up with that! Plus she’s dumb.”
“If you weren’t my brother, I’d hit you! Gee!”
“Oh shush and open the door already Lefty”
“Oh when the sai..”
“SHUT UP ALREADY! We know! We’re marching out! Spare me your horrid rendition!”
“Sorry Righty”
“You better be. El, why are you crying?”
“I’m gonna miss this place Righty. So bad…”
” Oh dear. He’s gay isn’t he?”


Hope you enjoyed that!