Ohayou gozaimasu mina san!!! Hello!


A lot of things 😦

I have a bad habit of mentally torturing myself. Been doing this since i was a child. I used it to bully myself into becoming brave and feeling like a bad guy.

1. I am hydrophobic. My mind has been embedded with how drowning feels. I have a terribly active imagination so it’s almost real. Because of this, I developed a mortal fear for swimming. I become sick when I have to; hyper-ventilating and wheezing. It didn’t help that I almost drowned in the Atlantic once! I’d tell that story. In JSS3, our school participated in the Leadership training shenanigan at Apapa. After the Endurance trek, we got to the ocean and the Devil ministered unto the head instructor guy. We were to go in groups and face waves. I could not dodge this one. Well my group, Oduduwa went in and the waves disappeared. Instead of going back our instructor decided we should wade in deeper and wait. Suddenly it got darker. I turned. A huge wave. My life did not flash before my eyes. The water hit me before it did. I hung on to the swim suit of my friend (which i tore). I repented of my sins that second. I peed on myself -_- (Don’t fuckin’ judge yo!) I didn’t die. So yeah that experience really scarred me.
As recent as  2 years ago, i joined another Leadership training group (Why do I punish myself!). We went to the Lake District at Cumbria. I dodged the first swim test. (Oyinbo people were worried because i said I was hydrophobic :D) Couldn’t dodge kayaking. Never kayaked in life. Let’s just say the current o the Lake drove my kayak to the middle before i even began learning to paddle. Are you still wondering why I’m scared of large expanses of water????

2. I am scared of being bitten in the ass by a snake when I’m using the toilet. After reading about Cleopatra and her death, my mind concocted another scenario. I imagined sitting on the toilet one night and an asp from nowhere slithers from God knows where and sunk it’s fangs into my bottom. Since then, I always have to check the toilet before i sit down. ALWAYS.

3. I’m scared of walking across a bridge. I get this crazy urge to jump. Walked the whole length of Waterloo Bridge once. Took my whole will to stop me from flinging myself. I don’t know why. Really don’t. *sigh*

4. I’m scared of humans. I’m a bit agoraphobic. I really am scared of meeting people or associating with people. Humans are dangerous. One minute, someone is normal, the next he/she’s a fuckin’ psycho killer! Not cool! The truth is I’m a very awkward person so i tend to feel shy and embarrassed. It takes a lot of effort and time for me to be truly comfortable around someone. Blame it on my loving books more than conversations.
I flinch a lot at sudden movements from people. I always fear someone would hit me. And I don’t like being stared at. I stumble.
Terribly awkward child. *sigh*

5. I’m scared of being lost in space. This is my most ridiculous fear. I get cold sweats whenever I think about floating forever in that mass of darkness. Scary.

Long list but I’d stop here.
Enjoy the last of your weekend.