Let me start by saying, THIS IS NOT A STORY.
Ok it is a story but not fiction.
Argh! Whatever!
Anyway, I just felt like writing something very akin to blogposts about lifestyle and all.
I was washing plates and pots on Friday (as usual, slave things :'() and I remembered a story my friend told me. Hilarious something. Decided I’d share as God loves a cheerful giver (I have a Charity btw…only £s thanks).
So, here it goes.
My friend, I’d call K. had this friend; a guy. They were pretty close and there was the ‘chemistry’ a.k.a sexual tension between them.
One day he texts her, saying his grandma died and he needed comforting. K is a really really kind girl (which is why she’s my friend) and she sensed his loneliness and sadness. She went to his house to lend him a shoulder to cry on.
She went into his room because he was on the bed weeping and they cuddled..and you know how cuddles progress (sometimes). From hugs to rubbing noses to ‘mwah’ then ‘mweeh’ then ‘mmmmweeeh’.
Whatever, you get my drift.
So yeah, they were wrapped up in their passion. Bra aka brezzie (Igbo kwenu!) came off and before the adoration of my friend’s awesome E-cup boobs could begin, her phone rang.
(Somebody shout HALLELUYAH!)
Yeah, it was her father and he needed her at home so she apologised to him for the whole ‘shenanigan’ and left.
Some days later, the dude called her, sounding like the world has ended. Dude really loved his granny sha!
K as usual went to his rescue.
On her way to his house, she meets his sister and K being K, hugged her, giving her condolences.
That was when the sister said, and I quote:
“Umm…my grandma died 10years ago”
EHN??
K was baffled and told her about her brother.
The sister confirmed his stupidity by saying, and I quote:
“Don’t mind him. The boy’s stupid”
Then K pieced the jigsaw puzzle in her head.
The boy only wanted the sympathy so that the empathy derived from the sympathy would bring about a synchronisation of the flesh.
A.k.a, he just wanted to set P and his dead grandmother was just the perfect excuse.
Of course, K felt like her kindness was used against her and got angry. She didn’t go back home.
Nooo…that would make the story boring.
She went to his house and his room.
She kept quiet as he was going on and on.
Then he started kissing her.
That was when K gave him a slap to rival that of the HolySpirit.
The shock of the slap of course destroyed every kind of konji in his system.
He was vexed and was raking.
“Why did you slap me!”
Then K revealed the truth to the nigga. Seeing as his lie was exposed, he apologised shamefaced.
Said he liked her but didn’t know how to tell her.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
K, being K, forgave him but they sure didn’t synchronise any flesh.
And that was where the story was cut short because I was dying of laughter and we got sent out of the library for noise-making (by a librarian whom we believed was racist because she always sent out the black people for noise making…even though we made the most noise -_-)
Ladies and gentlemen, Konji na confam baskard.
So, yeah…guys…just how far will you go to set that P?
Why evuls??
Why? Why? Why?
As the critically-acclaimed ‘Valentine’s day’ approaches, many okunrins and obinrins (boys and girls) are booking for their dose of sexual healing and sanctification.
To those who can’t afford the new Blackberry Porsche, 50k dinner and other expensive ‘leg-opening’ gifts, what would be your excuse to set that P?
If you have used an excuse to set any game, what was it?
Please share in the comment section.
I’m bored and I need a laugh.
Tee Hee!
Well…my Grnadma IS dead. Whho will console a brother? -_-
“From hugs to rubbing noses to ‘mwah’ then ‘mweeh’ then ‘mmmmweeeh’.”
o_O.. I still cant believe you wrote this..
So this is what hides behind all that depth abi..
Nice.
X_X 😀
Oga Tools, beta believe it. Lol it may even have happened to her sef.
Muahahaha…
This happens very often in these parts tho. Its an old trick gone sour, we done gone past these… Well not like I’ll know ‘cos I’m all ‘scently’ and stuff..uh-hun, yeah!
I haven’t used any excuses as yet, I’m normally straight forward or not interested…
There’s always a first time though…
I’m waiting till I get to Yankee and use the cold as a very good excuse. I’ll probably faint but leave a note before fainting saying “Can only be revived by 6 mins continuous CPR administered by *insert chic’s name here*
😀
Hahahaha! You wee just die in a foreign land!
I second that. Die, i tell you!
Okay ermm……
LMFAO!!! BUHaHahahahahahaA…
I’ll be back.
LLLLMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m still rolling too hard from this to be able to analyze anything jor. Oh, plus I don’t set P.
3-|
“Rolling too hard”?! #Sexual -__-
yep.. Sure….Virginz dnt set P
perhaps u’ll V for Vendetta
hehehe…just saying
LMAOOO!! This shii got me laughing hard…
Reminds of .. of .. of my Uncle that died laughing last two weeks. 😦 .. Still hurts me. ⌣̩_⌣
Awww! Come let’s cuddle. 😥
*opens car door and rolls unto highway*
LMAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
LOOOL!!!!!!
haha. u have committed d unforgivable sin by claiming the Holy Spirit is a violent person -_____-
Loool. funny shit.
Loool baka!
All i can say is ‘why evuls?’…You invoke your grandma’s spirit just to set that P?…
Konji mehn!
But for real tho, this post was funny AF.
Slap to rival. That of d holyghost, but seriously now, all 4 of my grandparents are dead.
Setting P at its best
Mwah –> Mweh –> MmmmwwwweeeeeEehhhhh.. Summary of what I learnt 😀 …
But why? Why? Hahahahahaha!! Dude’s P was simple yo! Didn’t even think much! But it’s the same simplicity that helped K nab him!
Hahahaha! Na to use this kain method set things for Val’s day
Lool c ole!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
Gals gat sharp up ni!
I like the library gist part!
Keep musing o!
Sympathy is useless mehn. Lol
Hehehehehehe
Still lmao
You never cease to amaze and amuse me Chioma.
I love you. You’re my favourite female blogger.
In the spirit of sharing, because God loves a cheerful sharer, that’s why Alan is famous. -___-
1. I once told a chick that I had broken my leg and I was alone at home and I couldn’t reach my food in the fridge.
When she came home, I went to open the door for her. She just turned back and left.
Dumb ho. Instead of you to give me bobbie. 😦
2. I also asked a chick to come over because her crush was chilling in my crib.
Of course she met only me. Profusely begging her to consider the fact that I loved her more than said crush ever would and how much I wanted her to give me head.
I’m still single, if anyone was asking. ( ._. )
Lovely post Chioma.
LMAO! The first chic, very DUMB ho! ^_^
Nice. U can’t blame a broda 4 tryin nah. And bsides,d grandma is already dead. At least somthing good can still com outta it. Ees d sista dat messd him up.
#okbye.
Hotspots of ingenuity. Such a shame the dude didn’t get to ‘Lick her persuasion’. My Sisters sure will understand my plight.
Loool! Lick her persuasion!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *echoes of laughter*
Excuses? It’s harmattan and I’m really cold. Plus, I failed a test and my dog died last week. Combo.
Lol p setting gone awry.
Are we forgetting something? The guys grandma was DEAD. He ain’t say when. It’s just like girls to find any dumb excuse to avoid sex -__-
U dey Mind Dem 😐
LOOOL!! ^ Good point.
.sisters: spoiling p since forever.
I’ve never told a lie to set P. Maybe that’s why I can count my Ps on one hand and still have fingers left over (I never said what extraterrestrial specie the hand would have to belong to, mind). Funny though, and I think a bit silly. K probably liked the guy from the off though, and yes I mean in that way. It’s the fact that the lie was so ridiculous that made him lose his P. Idiat.
That slap that rivalled those of the holy spirit was unrivalled!
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!
LMAOOOOOOO! From ‘mwah’ then ‘mweeh’ then ‘mmmmweeeh, LOOOOOL! Synchronization of the flesh? LOOOOL!
The guy took this setting p to a whole other level! He deserved more than that Oyedepo slap.
I’m all for honesty. If u want friendship, say so, if u want only a fling, just say so. All these pretence never ends well.
I thought she was gonna get him all turned on, den leave him hard! That wuda served d fucker right!
You’re evil.
Any girl that does that will die. Eventually.
Mweeeeehhhh! Mweeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Mweeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *that is me setting P*
P.S: My DM’s are prime real estate. Come and rent two bedroom flat. X_X
Chai… But K is wicked sha! Like she didn’t enjoy it the first time… Giving the Ghanaian boy a slap that’ll make Oyedepo go green with envy. Maybe she even ‘loloxed’ the guy and didn’t tell u the truth.
Yes. To my cool story. (I suggest you grab your blankets)
Back in university, I heard one girl called me ‘fake’. I once told the girl to come to my flat to collect examination expo. I knew there was no expo and was prepared to dub at the exam hall the next day. You know the expo usually comes around midnight… We pretended to read for the exam but God knows I wasn’t interested. I prayed. God answered. NEPA took power. She couldn’t go home that night. The ‘expo’ never came. We fought kung-fu that night for 3 hours before she finally raped me. I came. She saw (that I’m a bad guy). I passed the exam. She failed.
Tell me, who conquered?
*dons parka over pullover and hugs legs closer* Wow. The temperature just dropped below 0 degrees. Just like that!!
Slevin Calevra; On a Bad Guy P.
LMAO!! Men are officially THE SAME!
No. I’m amongst the best. The rest are actually worse…lol
LMAOoooooooooo…..
Like seriously serious…this is so funny!!! I love it and btw I go with Tori, she shoulda turned him on and left him hard…prolly next time even if anybody dies instantly, he would alwayz remember never to set P with a dead person’s name. Bwuahahahahahhahaha….still laughing tho
LMFAO!
Shet! Motha effer!
My ex once told me(after we broke up) that his dog died. Wasn’t a lie. I saw it. I reli loved that dog… :$
In retrospect, he probably killed it himself… so I wud come. He was crazy like that.
LMFAO!!!!! Brilliant
Lmao! ewoooooo! All for P?!
I really liked it 😀
Hahahahahahahaha!! Abject Evuls mhen
Evuls! Evuls!! Evuls!!!!
I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever gone to a girl’s house for evangelism just so I could see her. I’m searching my memories. X_X
Shebi na d expo she bin fyn come b dt?
The chick was prob’ly pumpin’ for d invitation!!
EVuLer than sympathy tho!
LOOOOOOL
Brezzie. . .
I can’t
As Per setting P ba. . .
Not for me. . .
😦
Holy fuck! Why am I carrying last like this? *Wails in mandarin*
‘That was when she gave him a slap to rival that of the Holy Spirit’ TF?
Damn Chichi has killed me. Bone, konji is a bastard. Truth is, when game has expired and there’s nothing left, lies have to take over.
Shey you know you’ve ruined some guys chances to set P using this excuse sha ( ._.)
Wait. He didn’t lie. His grandma actually died….he just didn’t say when.
I’ve never told any lie to set P. I’m usually straight up honest and just say I want to get it in. If you want to, it’s business, If you don’t, nothing dey pa. And it’s worked all the time.
*rolling on the kitchen floor laughing* ‘Mwah to mweh to mweeeeeh!’ Aunty ChiChi, you taught me oh!
LMFAOOOO!!!!!!!
I. Don. Die!!
PEOPLE DEY READ YOUR POSTS SHA!!! Iliked it….
Reblogged this on thenosmasseffect.
As usualy you have me laughing 🙂 crazy boy…:)
LMMMFFFAAAAAAOOO!!!! I’m dead.