This isn’t a story; a musing of some sort.
Listening to Disappear by Hoobastank and my eyes are suddenly becoming teary. No, I am not sad. Wistful.
The first time i heard this song, I was about 15 and it was on Rickdees.
I still remember how reality faded as I listened to the lyrics.
“Do you know that every time your near, everybody else is far away?”
No, i wasn’t a teenager in love. I had no love then but these words moved me.
I remember i recorded the song. I’ll sit in my room, phone in hand, listening to Disappear. Hot Sunday afternoon, aunt in the kitchen screaming my name. I would hear no one.
“Make them disappear. Make them disappear!”
I would mutter these words like a mantra.
Make them disappear.
I love it when songs have these kinds of effect on me.
Another song that reminds me of these teenage years, Sugar We’re going down by Fall Out Boy.
This was more jaunty. I would kick my feet in the air and do an air tap dance to the beats.
My aunt would come in and switch off the radio and order me into the kitchen. I just pilfer her phone and I am back on Rickdees.

The Reason by Hoobastank would come on and I’ll find myself crying. Again, i didn’t have a love or some broken relationship. There was just this sadness i could detect in the lyrics.
“I’ve found a reason for me, to change who i used to be. A reason to start over now. And the reason is you”
Yes, i used to tell myself that if i eventually had a boyfriend and he hurt me, if he sang this song to me, I’ll forgive him. Not sure about that now; might still be the same. Or not.

Another one was Photograph by Nickleback. This, i first heard with my dad. One of the few memories i remember of him listening to a song with me in silence. Normally, he’ll switch it to something else. When the song ended, heard him murmuring “Good bye, good bye” and i had a funny smile on my face.
It was cute.
This song also touched me because I always had this fear of leaving my classmates after school. And this song was about reminiscing on old days.
Funny thing is i am listening to it now and remembering old school days. My friends and I would listen faithfully to the radio, waiting for whatever rock song got played. We’d write it down and come to class, singing and making up out own words.
Children of the Radio. Faithful to the stereo.
We never eve touched that dial.
Ah.
Disappear is playing again.
I should sleep.

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