Category: songs


Day 22- The Conductor


Hey! Today, someone called ‘Woyi OC’ would be taking over. Enjoy.

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THE CONDUCTOR

After much preparation it is time.
You take the stage with violin in hand.
The conductor faces you.
Eyes meet then she turns to the crowd, announces the symphony that is about to be played.
She turns back to face you.
Silence

You begin to play.
You’ve prepared for a long time.
You hope you have learnt from all the mistakes you made over the times.
You start to play.
The crowd watches.
They feel like its all perfect.
But the conductor knows; she knows what note is to come next.
They can’t truly see.
You’re nervous as you play the violin.
The conductor gestures away; frantically at high tempo upbeat parts,softly at low key parts.

She’s telling you what to do.
Even after all the practice, she still needs to show you.
Because she’s the conductor; he knows it, you play it.
The symphony is half done.
You’re getting it right.
Her face is still stern.
She does it to tell you half a success is none at all.
You keep playing.
You’re at the climax of the song.
That high part that gets the blood flowing fast.
You play with your mind and might at its peak.
Power and precision.

She smiles, the conductor smiles.
Its almost over.
You’re doing well thus far.
She’s happy with you.
The crowd doesn’t see; her back is turned to them.
But you know it is not over till its over; mind and body still sharp, you play frantically.
The symphony is almost at its end.
Just a few notes more, almost there.

It’s done.
You can’t look her in the face.
You know that she’s in charge.
You know she knows the music best.
You summon the courage to look at her.
She’s smiling, She’s happy.
You did it.
The crowd is applauding, but it doesn’t mean anything if she’s not smiling.
She is still smiling.
You are happy, she’s happy.

The crowd doesn’t understand.
But you both do.

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Happy Sabbath and good luck with guessing what this post is REALLY talking about ūüėČ

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Day 17


So it’s Monday and I know how we all love Mondays. Oh you didn’t get the memo? LOL. -_-
Yes, we love Mondays and I decided to write about something i tweeted last evening.

Disclaimer: Blame this shit on Caffeine.

So saw a Retweet about a Sex playlist and this shit struck me as funny. Apparently, some of you have songs you want to have sex to?
Really?
How does that work?
When do you put on the music or when is the right time to put on the music? I’m asking girls because guys don’t do that shit. (If you do, you’re gay, in which case, you’re a chic.)
Let me get this straight:
You and a dude all giggly and messing around, soon the play kisses get intense. You undress. Dude is ready to charge and you say “Hold on let me put on some music.”
Really??????
You now put on some gay ass song with a gay-ass singer (Hey Trey) singing about sex and that shit supposed to be romantic?
If I were a guy, my erection would die instantly. I mean why the hell would I want to listen to some guy telling me he wants me to touch his body?
Or is it R-Kelly? What if the song you put is the guy’s fave song and dude FUCKING STARTS TO SING AND TWERK INSTEAD OF GIVING YOU SOME!!!!? WTF IS THIS?!!
AN INDIAN PORN MOVIE?
Niggas be thrusting and shii and all of a sudden, a couple of other naked niggas appear and y’all break into a fucking dance. That’s what I think of when¬†I¬†hear ‘SEX PLAYLIST’.

How does that even work with quickies? Say he’s driving and suddenly feels the need to offload (It happens!). He parks the car and leads you into a bush.(It happens!) He’s tryna raise your skirt quickly because you’re wearing no underwear (IT BLOODY HAPPENS!) And all of a fucked-up sudden you say something like “Hold on, let me get my phone”
Mans would think you wanna put it off or something and you scroll to the Sex Playlist on your phone and click play?
If¬†I¬†was yo man, I’d leave your music-loving ass in that bush, walk to my car and drive off! I hope your music attracts some wild-ass animals to taste your MUSIC. LOVING. ASS! LET’S SEE HOW YOU’D LIKE THAT!
CRAP!

If¬†I¬†were to make up a sex playlist,¬†I’d¬†make it an Igbo traditional music. Have you heard the drums on them things? FAST!
I would expect the guy to pump in time or faster to that. Now THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.
But let’s be real, no sane guy would agree to shag to that cause his faggoty-ass don’t gat no rhythm!
That’s some hip-shaking music! That’s the way to conceive FUCKING CHAMPIONS! Hercules wasn’t conceived to bloody Akon singing ‘I just Had sex’ in the background!
If you ain’t gonna do some Igbo Heavy Metal, TURN THAT SHIT OFF!!!
Let us both scream and make our own music; well in my case, you scream in pain and I scream in laughter.

The only reasonable reason I see why you’d want to play music is so no one knows what you doing. In which case, I suggest you to just put on a bloody Christian song. But you wouldn’t would you? You can’t get your groove on with Akanchawa playing in the background can you? Because it would feel like Jesus is watching yo wide, naked ass, calling some next guy yo daddy. You dirry, dirry girl!
If you wanna mask the sound so bad, listen to Celine Dion. But is that possible? I mean one minute he’s pulling your hair the next y’all are hugging and crying, singing “Every night in my dream, I see you, I feel you…”
CRAP!

As I said in my tweet, If you have the time to put on music, the you really aren’t horny to be frank with your thirsty-ass self. I mean it’s ¬†a NEED! Your body is SHAKING! LIKE GRRRRRRRR AMMA GRIND THIS GUY TO THE GROUND! AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR MUSIC AT THIS POINT!
YOU THROW THAT NIGGA ON A WALL, YOU RIP THOSE CLOTHES OFF AND YOU BLOODY. GET.  IT!!!!!
Maybe after the 15th or 16th round when his weak-ass is near death, then you can play some music to revive him, Nahwhamsaying??

If you REALLY insist on a song, I’ll recommend one. Ladies, this song would tell your man exactly what you want. I recommend this STRONGLY.

Tie me Down by Concentus.

Tie Me Down and Fuck Me (Hard)
tie me down – fuck me hard
tie me down – fuck me hard
tie me down – and fuck me hard

come tie me down Рbring the cuffs (At this point his sorry-ass better be working!)

come strap me in – and make me sin
come suck me dry – until i cry
come fuck me hard – until i’m sore (AHMEAN!!!!! PREACH!)

make me scream
make me bleed
make me scream
make me bleed 

tie me tighter
ride me harder
ride me till i can’t speak or scream

tie me down – fuck me hard
tie me down – fuck me hard
tie me down – and fuck me hard

come strap me down – bring the whip

come strap me in – and make me sin
come suck me dry – until i die (Ok. Pause. Dafuq…?)
come fuck me hard – until i bleed

tie me down – fuck me hard
tie me down – fuck me hard
tie me down – and fuck me hard

never foreplay
come on and tie me down – never foreplay (This right here is the bridge. THIS IS WHERE YOU GO FOR GOLD LIKE YOU IN DA OLYMPICS!)
come on and fuck me hard – never foreplay
come on and suck me dry – never foreplay

tie me tighter
ride me harder
ride me till i can’t speak or scream (HE BETTER OBEY DAFUGGING INSTRUCTION SISTAH!!!)

Wanna know the beauty of this song? IT’S FRIGGIN’ EIGHT MINUTES LONG! It’s long enough for a round! AND YOU CAN BLOODY PUT IT ON REPEAT!

If yo man runs outta the house clothes in hands once it starts playing, HE AIN’T MAN ENOUGH!
If he breaks up with you cos he thinks your preedy ass is psycho, HE. AIN’T. MAN. ENOUGH!

It’s that simple.

I am done.

Have a lovely Monday. I know I will…

Disclaimer: Blame this shit on Caffeine.
In case you didn’t see it the first time, bloody bat-eyes.

Day 3


It’s exactly 3am in the morning and I am here, sneezing and pecking at my laptop keys I was going to put up a story today but decided against it. Been on my¬†Facebook¬†page for reasons unknown to man and stumbled on a funy post i did a long while ago. Decided to erase my old answers and put up a new one.

The instruction : Put your iPod on shuffle and for each question, get a song and write it down. No cheating.  Here we go1

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?
Better than me -Hinder

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Why am I the one- Fun

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL
Criminal -Disturbed (God forbid yo!)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I don’t Care – Apocalyptica / Adam Gontier

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE??
Torn – Natalie Imbruglia (Hia!)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Oblivion – 30 seconds to Mars

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The World’s Greatest- R Kelly (Yes, I still have this song and YES I AM THE GREATEST!)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dirty Little Secret – All American Rejects (Lol. Lips sealed)

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Open and Close – EFA (LOL!)

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
The Devil’s Own – 5Finger Death Punch (:'( )

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Tie me down and Fuck me hard – Concentus (*dies* LOOOL! TRUTH!!!!!! ^_^)

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Bonnie and Clyde – Sergie Gainsbourg/ Brigitte Bardot

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dirty Diana- Michael Jackson (Wahala)

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Keep on Runnin’ – Tom Jones (Run or I’ll eat you. Thirsty FC)

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Lost- Avenged 7 fold (Why me? ūüė¶ )

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Would you love a monsterman – Lordi (Mbanu! This is a bad omen. You and who is loving a monster?)

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Not Ready to die- Avenged 7 fold (LOOOOOL! A bit too late for that isn’t it Chichi?)

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Dance with the Devil- Breaking Benjamin (Oho! Azonto with Esu.)

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I’m too sexy for my love -Boliche (LMAO! Deleting this song!)

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Sons of Plunder- Disturbed

21) WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Collapsing- Demon Hunter

22) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Asylum -Disturbed ( Oh Lord.)

23) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET
Some Nights- Fun

24) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Two wrongs- Wyclef Jean

25) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Lonely Day РSystem of  down (You have no idea. Sigh)

26) WHY WILL YOU GET MARRIED?
Iron Maiden -The Ises  (Hm..)

27) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
I Still Haven’t Found What Im Looking For – Disturbed cover. (Big fear)

28) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Hide and Seek -Imogen Heap

29) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Crush Resistance – Haste The Day (As per Pro-Government? No tainz.)

30) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
The Beautiful people – Marilyn Manson

31) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
I’m so sick- Flyleaf (Baiclly…)

I am done.
That’s it for today. No idea what tomorrow will bring but post, I WILL.
TEE *sneeze* HEE

broken


Today’s post is a poem. Enjoy.

Wooden beads black and round
From the first time they held hands
Lips moved and thoughts told without sound
As fingers drew hearts in the sand

The yellow walls reflected her joy
As they sat by the fireplace
Disaffected by the world’s never ending ploys
A single shadow shared in quiet solace

The fights, they started small
Words thrown around and resolved in haste
And then they grew tall
And laid her love to waste

Between her legs, where others cavorted
Remained closed to him
So he took his keys and his wallet
And buried himself in gin

He screamed and shouted, shrieked and growled
She didn’t flinch, she’d never repent
Her ears deaf to his tortured howls
He crawled into the corner, when he was spent

His breaths are short and harried
Because alas, the pain hasn’t tarried
He has warred and he has prayed
But all for naught, she will not stay

Hearts break like cheap china
Hearts break like cheap china
Day breaks awash with desire
But hearts break like cheap china.

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